


even the most dire things (are only temporary).

by flustraaa



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV), Criminal Minds RPF
Genre: Crying Spencer Reid, Deaf Spencer Reid, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt Spencer Reid, Injured Spencer Reid, Protective Derek Morgan, Sad JJ Jareau, Sad Penelope Garcia, Sad Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid Angst, Spencer Reid Fluff, Spencer Reid Whump, Temporary Hearing Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:34:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24777718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flustraaa/pseuds/flustraaa
Summary: “okay jj, then what do you suggest we do? the kid is stuck alone in that room with only his thoughts! he can’t hear us.”penelope speaks up, voice cracking with emotion, “we hope. it’s all we can do.”
Relationships: Spencer Reid & Derek Morgan, Spencer Reid & Jennifer “JJ” Jareau, Spencer Reid & Penelope Garcia
Comments: 4
Kudos: 340





	even the most dire things (are only temporary).

“Reid!” Morgan shouts, “ _move_!”

Spencer turns, but by time he realises what Morgan’s warning was, it’s too late. There’s a sudden blast and the next few moments are fuzzy. He’s dipping in and out and his ears are ringing with a high pitched squeal.

For a moment, he wonders if he’s dying, if he’s not already dead.

The first time he opens his eyes is what feels like seconds after the blast, his body aching and Morgan is sitting over him, his hand pressing into what Reid assumes is a wound on his torso. He’s speaking but his words are going right over Spencer’s head.

Reid lets his hand fall limply on his chest, head lulling to the side but before his eyes can properly close, someone is shaking him back awake.

His eyes focus on JJ, her face is hovering above his and she looks terrified. The tears are falling down her cheeks, directly disobeying her common practice of remaining emotionless in the field.

“I’m okay,” He responds, but whatever comes out seems to serve only to scare her more. She’s shaking, and she just sends him a smile, nodding as more tears fall down.

He’s losing consciousness by time he sees the EMTs, and JJ keeps trying her best at shaking him awake whenever the whites of his eyes make their return.

The ringing is still in his ears, loud and unrelenting.

And it’s with that, that he slips off for the first time.

The seconds time he wakes up, he’s in the ambulance and he’s looking at one of those stupid lightbulbs.

He seems to be looking at those a lot lately.

JJ catches his eyes, glancing up at her surrounding before determining that she not in danger of interfering with being taken care of. She runs her fingers through his hair, sending him a ready smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. 

And he can’t help but think again, that maybe he’s _already_ dead.

The third time he wakes up, there’s a mask over him and it’s just as they roll him away from JJ and Morgan. He’s on a hospital bed that’s too short for him, his converse hanging off the edge. His eyes flutter about the hallway, and they poke and prod at him as he begins to fade again. 

_The screeching_ , he thinks, _is enough to make him want to cry._

This time, he wake up to white ceilings and white walls. He hates hospitals. The lights are always just a little to bright, and the smell of antiseptic never hesitates to overwhelm. 

He rolls his head to the left and sees JJ, she’s smiling at him, opening her mouth to speak.

She only notices that he’s not alright when his eyebrows furrow and he starts looking around. 

His eyes latch onto the monitor above and despite being able to see its beeping with his heart beat, he comes to the realisation that he can’t hear it. He jolts up, turning to JJ who’s looking at him with wide eyes, the fear growing more and more apparent.

She takes his face in her hands and speaks slowly, but he just shakes his head. He tries to tell her that he can’t hear anything over the static clouding his head and she nods as though she understands.

He realises that his lips are, in fact moving, and he’s more than likely on a look. All that he can think is _I can’t hear, I can’t hear, I can’t hear._

She makes a shushing motion with her mouth, wrapping her arms around him while he sinks into her hold, sobs taking over his body.

Logically, he knows that this will probably only last sixteen to forty eight hours, but emotionally, he’s just thinking about he’ll never be allowed to be in the field again.

He focuses on JJ’s hand soothingly running up and down his spine, his face pressed into her shoulder where his hot tears gather against her shirt. She doesn’t seem to mind it, though.

He can feel her soft hushes of breath fanning against the tip of his ear and shuffling hair. 

He wants to be logical, he wants to be objective and sure but for one of the few moments in time in his life he can’t seem to put up his mental and emotional barriers.

The dam is broken, and so is _he_. 

He cries for two hours, before finally running out of tears and settling against his bed. JJ writes out what happened in neat symmetrical letters, informing him that he was in surgery and they almost lost him on the table, and that she’s glad he’s okay.

He takes the notepad and starts writing. He tells her he remembers the blast and waking up. He tells her that he thought that it the hearing thing wasn’t going to last long. He tells her he’s scared she’s wrong.

She just reads it sadly, taking his hand as Garcia walks in, Morgan in tow— both looking about as glum as Reid feels.

Garcia sees his tear flushed face and her face grows far more distraught, a hand going over her heart steps almost completely halting.

He can’t look at her. He licks his lips as if to explain, before looking down, sniffing as tears threaten to spill back over. He purses his lips, wiping his cheeks frustratedly.

Much like before, a pair of neon nail painted hands slip under his chin, forcing him to meet Garcia’s eyes. She just sends him a sad smile, running her thumbs along her cheeks.

It clear that she understands in talking, she only serves to make him more upset. She pulls him into her chest, holding him tightly and coddling his head against her shoulder.

Slowly but surely, Spencer wraps his arms around her and he feels her sigh in relief. He can almost hear her whisper of, “ _oh_ , he’s still with us.”

When they pull apart, Morgan reaches over, ruffling his hair and patting his shoulder before flopping down into a chair beside him. Reid slumps slowly back against his pillow, picking at loose threads of the blanket beneath him.

After a few moments, there’s a tap on his shoulder and he looks at JJ only to see her pointing at the Doctor.

Great, he thinks, more than three people have seen me cry now.

But then she just sends him a sympathetic smile before signing, ‘ _do you know American Sign?’_

Spencer nods, and she begins to explain what’s happening— and despite the aching of his heart and head, the gloomy cloud begins to lift. 

He’s been there for seventeen hours when he finally allows himself to freak out. It’s over the minimum time, and he knows that he should put emphasis on minimum but he can’t. Every second that ticks past only allows more concern to settle deep into him.

He’d watched as Morgan and JJ has drifted off to sleep on their chairs, leaving him to pray to god that he’d be able to hear something but the silence that had cloaked him with little regard for his sanity.

And now he’s completely alone with his thoughts, staring at the ceiling of the hospital room— as well as he can with the lights flipped off. He closes his eyes willing himself to sleep, and eventually, he does. 

He doesn’t notice the change at first— and how could he? He was asleep. When he wakes up, he first notices the finger combing through his hair. It’s soothing and it almost serves to make him fall back asleep— but then he realises it sounds like he’s underwater.

He can clearly make out JJ and Garcia’s voices, but he can’t quite make out what they’re saying. He lies with his eyes closed for thirty minutes and whoever his smoothing his hair never once falters, not even slightly.

“I’m worried about him,” it’s JJ’s voice, and despite being under the assumption that he can’t hear her, her voice is barely above the whisper, “I don’t know what we’ll do if this isn’t temporary.”

“We’ll adapt,” Garcia says, with all of her usual optimism, “We won’t leave him behind. _Ever_.”

“I wouldn’t be able to move on if— Spence?” She seems to realise that he probably wouldn’t be able to hear her, even if he wasn’t impaired at the moment, “I think he’s having a nightmare.”

She rests a hand on his cheek, running her thumb back and forth along his cheek. When he allows his eyes to open, the tears that hadn’t quite escaped slip out and he immediately latches on to her, pulling away from the hand Penelope had settled in his hair. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” Penelope murmurs softly, and she sounds heartbroken.

He silent for a long time, before he forces out, “I can hear you.”

JJ’s hand stops mid motions, pulling back to look at him. He looks into his eyes, “You can hear us?”

“I can hear you,” He nods, reaching for Penelope and pulling her close. She’s crying as hard as he is, running a hand in circles between his shoulder blades.

“See,” Penelope murmurs, voice muffled by Reid’s shoulder, “I told you that you’d be okay— you couldn’t hear me when I said it but I definitely said it—“

She cuts off when a soft chuckle leaves Spencer’s mouth, pulling him tighter as JJ joins in the laughter.

**Author's Note:**

> someone requested a fic where spencer dies im crying in the club at the idea of writing that huhh


End file.
